Far cry 3!

Video hopefully coming soon. Finally got some screen recording software and I'm about to film my first let's play. That is if the game actually works this time! 

Life in pictures 2

~My dresser~

~Stuff~

{Dresser- Ikea}

{Star lights- Target}

{Plushies- Anime conventions}

{Mirror- Ikea}

{Harley Quinn piggy bank- Anime North}

{Vintage camera and tins- Garage sale}

{Snow flakes- from 3D printer}

{Daryl bobble-head and funko pop- HMV}

{Candle and lantern- Ikea}

{Mini candles for lantern- Yankee candle}

~photography~

So I took some pictures of my sisters and I thought I would share the good ones here :) 

To-do's!

Do you ever have so much you want to do but no idea how to do it? That's my life right now. 

I have so many ideas and dreams but no idea how to make them a reality, and as one of my Mii's from Tomodachi Life told me the other day "Dreams are nothing unless you make them a reality"

Well I've been thinking about that a lot recently, especially since I have so many dreams that I want to make a reality, and well I've gotta do it!

The only way I'm ever going to be happy is if I actually TRY to do things I want in life. What's the point of wishing for good things in my life when I could be actively making them happen. 

I just need dem good vibes guys! 

Life is what you make it, and if my life is what I make it, then its gonna be hella fabulous.

I guess the big problem I face is that my mood is so all over the place that its hard to get anything done. I need to find a way to keep moving forward and not let myself fall back into this rut I keep finding myself in. So I'm going to make a schedule and I'm going to follow it. Starting with making a blog post everyday, and uploading a video at least once a week. I'm also going to try and go out and take pictures, and I will post them here. 

Anyway so that's what I've been up to!

~~~~~~

I guess in true blogger fashion I will tell you what I'm wearing in this photo.

{Hat- Teemo from LoL}

{Shirt- American Eagle}

{Shorts- Brandy Melville}

Personality!

So everyone who knows me, knows that I have a certain obsessive personality.

I've had many obsession periods, where I just literally cannot do anything else, I don't want to listen to any other music, I don't want to look at anything else or talk about anything else.

They usually last a couple of weeks, and then I just go to the really liking stage, and then back to everything being fair game. 

But until then..

(daft punk is all that matters)

Troubled Mind

It's amazing, how after years of depression, years of seeing nothing but sadness in life, I can now see the beauty in little things. I can now take joy in things like sitting down and playing my 3DS, or drinking my usual tea before work. I can actually find joy in things that once made me feel empty.

But everything is not always so well. I still take everything harder, and everything is harder to get over. When something makes me upset, it still hurts me more than it should. Things still bring me down, but now I know how to deal with it, now I know how to not let myself get sucked into the depths of sadness. 

My step mom said something to me the other day, she said "Maybe you weren't depressed because you don't seem to be anymore"

I was a little bit taken a back, but that's when I realized, it didn't seem like it anymore, did it?

I was smiling, I was happy, I was moving on in my life and doing things that would have been impossible for me a year ago. But deep down the feelings where still there, they never left me, they just faded into the background. I learned to deal with what before I could not.  But there are still times when I curl up into a ball and cry my eyes out, there are times when I wake up and I think "whats the point", there are times when I fight the urge not to cut myself again. The difference is now I have the ability to see the good things in life, to see the colors in a world that to me was once black and white. 

I got this way because I made the choice to help myself, with a little help, or should I say a lot, from family and friends. There is nothing weak about admitting that you need help, you just have to be prepared to help yourself. Someone can take the blade out of your hand but only you can make yourself stop. The people around you may be keeping you alive, but in the end you have to make the decision to live. 

The road to recovering from depression is hard, it's very hard and it takes time, years even.

Three years ago my note book was filled with suicide notes and lyrics to depressing songs, today my note book is filled with ideas for cosplays, new years resolutions and cute little pictures. 

Today I am where I never thought I would be, in my own apartment, with my soul mate and a crazy little kitty. I have a job at a chocolate store and I have the most amazing coworkers. I only dread going to work if I'm sick or it's -30 outside.

3 years ago I didn't think I had a future, I thought I would be dead before I finished high school, but look how I proved myself wrong. 

For the first time ever I'm happy to be me, I am happy to be Keridwen Anna Rose Lewis. God I used to hate her, I used to loath her. Sometimes I still do, but now its a love/hate relationship, not a hate/hate one.

That's enough of me talking in the third person. 

If there is one thing I would want to say to someone going through the same thing as me, and I know there are lots of people, I'd say:

"I know that right now you feel like there is no point, but there is. You deserve to live, you deserve to be happy and you are strong. It's hard to be alive, it really is, living isn't easy but you can make the choice to live. Do what you love and screw all the people that bring you down. There is no shame in asking someone for help. I did, I asked my school councilor for help, and if it wasn't for her, I don't think I would be where I am now. Know that one day you will be out of the woods and you will look back and you will know

If I can survive that, I can survive anything"

(warning: overcoming depression does not make you superhuman, you still can't fly or jump over buildings)

Life in Pictures

~My Home~